I find comfort in doing simple things.. for other people… i love giving surprises, i enjoy making other people smile around me.. even those who were far away. There is this contentment feeling everytime i do things for other people despite the fact that im in deep shit. I love what Im doing. I feel and believe I’m a people person. I love interaction. I love conversation. I love companionship. The fact that I’ve got 457 contacts in my phonebook makes me smile. But at the end of the day, I still feel stupid, tired, battered and alone. Out of all those 457 contacts, how many would be willing to sit down and watch the sunset with me? How many of those 457 would be willing to talk about nonsense with me? Its sad.
Some people judge you with the way you handle things. They looked as if youre this kind of person with the things you do. I am 110% full of problems, believe me, they’re a lot and growing fast… How do i handle them? I sit, pray, talk, laugh and do things for other people. But most of the time, i get and feel scared and I cry, question and sometimes deny.. 95% of the time im depressed…..a few years back, ive been diagnosed with bein manic depressive.. there, the cat’s out in the bag already.. been into psychiatric treatment to help treat my overpowering depression, i wasnt able to overcome the depression, but I am not the suicidal type. I just get depressed most of the time. There were times when im sooooo depressed for several days… but thats just it, i dont do anything that will harm other people much more myself. I just tend to feel sad about a lot things, think a lot and feel sorry for everything, but after depression, im ok.. im alright. I know sometimes its not healthy to be that way, but I cant help it. Thats just the way I am.
I guess Ive written too much already. In this blog, you’ll see not just my positive sides ( as if there’s a lot of positivity to see in it hahaha) but also Yanah’s dark side.. Why am I doin this? I dunno. I just wanted to.
Why the english post? For a change…
Title’s connection with my post? Dunno. Photo’s connection with my post or title? Dunno.