Yanah on motherhood

Ilang beses na ba ako rumeklamo dito tungkol sa hirap ng pagiging isang single mom. Lalo sa part ko na times three sa lahat.. times three sa kakulitan, times three sa kaguluhan, time three sa kaingayan, times three sa kalokohan..pero okay lang yan, normal naman yan sa mga bata eh. Sino ba ang hindi dumaan sa ganyan? Sino ba ang hindi naging makulit, magulo at maloko nung kabataan nila? Anu yon, bata pa lang Santo na? These are the things that gives joy to a single mother like me. Kahit gaano kagulo-kaingay ang maabutan mo pagdating mo sa bahay galing sa trabaho, ito talaga ung nagiging reason para mapangiti ka. At the end of the day, you would still have enough power to thank God for giving you these rascals. But when life makes an expected turn, at pumasok ang mga times three na problema, like, times three health problems, (as early as now) times three school problems, times three future problems..you cant help but feel depressed not to mention alone.
I believe being a single mom requires a lot from a person, you don’t get vacations from being a mother. Full time work ito, madalas it requires you to make overtime shifts without notice. Hindi pwedeng magfile ka ng leave. It needs full concentration from you. It eats pretty much 95% of your time not to mention your life. The moment you become a mother you already lose your license to be selfish. Yes, you’re not allowed to think of yourself, above everything else, the children…..they’re youre top priority…you have to consider every little aspect of your actions, of your would be actions kase hindi pwedeng bira ng bira ang tirada mo, you have to think first before doing something. You have to consider na baka makaapekto sa kanila kung anu mang magiging hakbang mo. The moment you become a mother, they become your life. Having a baby and taking care of it is too much hard work, when they start growing up, u think the work is lessened? No, its just starting.. the hard work doesn’t stop when your babies become kids. It only gets harder and harder and harder. I think the hardwork stops when you see your children as they come out of the shell you protectively built around them and start makin their own lives. I guess that’s how it is. The hardwork stops but it doesn’t stop you from being their mother. That maybe the easy part in a mother’s life..when you see your children as they successfully live their dreams with you not on the front seats anymore, this time youre just at the background, watching.. AND IT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME ngayon pa lang. I know its way too early to start thinking about these things.. OA kung OA.. kaya lang, kapag naging nanay ka na.. you don’t dwell too much sa present.. you tend to think of the future most of the time.
There are times when I question myself with how I raise my children. Its hard to raise them alone. Its hard doing everything for them on a solo flight basis. Like I said, you don’t get vacations from it. Ni hindi ka pwedeng magpachange shift. When you sometimes feel like you’ve had too much already.. you cant do anything but just to let it subside.. because you cant stop. You cant stop being a mother. Its hard and im really trying my best to cope with it. Like now, these are the times I sometimes wish I am not alone. These are the times when I realize how important it is na buo ang family mo. Lalo na kapag mariringgan mo ang mga anak mo having these kind of conversation:
Lian: ate nana, batet wala ato papa?
Julyanah: May papa ka din, ung papa namin ni kahlil papa mo din.
Lian: batet di ko pa cha kita?
Julyanah: eh kase hindi natin siya kasama dito.
Kahlil: ate, ung mga classmate ko papa nila ung nagsusundo sa kanila sa school. Minsan naiinggit ako. Sana may papa din ako. Hindi ko na maalala mukha ni papa.
Julyanah: wala tayong papa eh, wala tayo magagawa, andyan naman si mama.
Lian: Ate nana, tan ba papa natin? Batet wala cha dito?
Julyanah: di ko alam, tanong mo mama, di ko alam sagot.
It breaks my heart to hear them talk about these things. Mula nung pinanganak ung youngest ko, minsan pa lang nya nakita ang tatay nya, she was only 2months old then, not enough to make her remember her father. Si kahlil naman, does remember him pero hindi ganun. We don’t have a picture of him here at home kaya hindi na nya maalala mukha ng tatay nya. And Julyanah, well, it’s a different story, yes she remembers her father very well,, pero what she remembers from him eh ung pain, tears and all the negative stuffs na nawitness nya nung panahong kasama pa namin ang tatay nila. Ask her now if she wants to see her father at isang mabilisang HINDI ang isasagot nya sayo. I don’t teach her to hate her dad after all sya ang tatay.. but no matter how much effort I try I CANT ask her not to hate.. she knows.. she feels.. and she’s hurting.
I think the hardest part in being a single mother is when youre children started asking questions about their father and starts comparing their family from the other “complete” families they see. Its when they ask you a lot of questions, and you don’t have a single answer to give them, you cant answer them truthfully cause it will hurt them more than you…

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21 Responses to Yanah on motherhood

  1. khantotantra ay nagsasabing:

    Base!!!Mahirap nga pag nagtatanung na ang bata about parents nila. pero at the end of the day, mauunawaan din nila ang lahat dahil ikaw ang tumayong ama sa kanila. 😀 tc sa iyo at sa iyong chikitings.

  2. Anonymous ay nagsasabing:

    Maswerte ang mga kids mo for having a mother like you. Swerte rin ng magiging katuwang mo sa buhay in the future. Sana hindi mo pa sinasara ang pintuan mo sa aspetong ito. bata ka pa naman and you deserve to be happy. Its almost time for you to know me Yanah.ABC

  3. Dhianz ay nagsasabing:

    saludo ako sau te yanah… nde madali ang situation moh… pero at d same time… kung iisipin moh… nd tama kah.. ur so blessed w/ ur kids…. iba ang nagagawa nagn bata sa buhay naten… well i don't have kids yet but i have mah nieces nd nephew… sarap sarap nang feeling sa kanila minsan kahit hangtitigas nang mukha… nakakaaliw lang tlgah minsan… nakakatuwa ung pinaka bunso kong niece.. pag nasa haus sya eh kapag dumadating akoh she'll be like auntie diane!!! i miss u!!! katuwa lang… sabay kiss… she's only 2… they're juz so cute… teka itz not bout meeh… bout u… lol…. malay moh may darating na magiging new daddy nilah… buksan moh lang muli ang heart moh… kc andyan kumakatok nah oh… lol… take care te yanah… isang *tight hug* for yah… Godbless!

  4. rainbow box ay nagsasabing:

    you have always been an inspiration to me. no, i am not a single mom. all the time i think maswerte ang anak ako. but you know what? nakakainis ka. feeling ko mas maswerte ang mga anak mo.hindi man nila makita ang tatay nila, kaya mong maging nanay at tatay sa kanila at the same time. and that is what matters. yung mapunuan mo kung ano ang wala. true, you can never replace a father, but you can always fill the love that he can't give the kids. hindi mo naman maiaalis sa knila ang maghanap, lalo na kung may nakikita silang mag-aama sa labas. time will come, kailangan mong i-explain. but i know, in my heart, dumating man ang araw na mag-explain ka, hindi mababawasan ang pagmamahal sayo ng mga anak mo. you are one of the best moms i know.you make me realize how much i have been missing sa pagiging ina.

  5. KikomaxXx ay nagsasabing:

    wahehehe… irereto ko blog mo sa ate ko.. wahehehe…

  6. Xprosaic ay nagsasabing:

    Ngayon lang yan bata pa kasi sila… pero maiintindihan rin yan nila habang lumalaki sila…

  7. BatangGala ay nagsasabing:

    awww. na-touch po ako sa post mong ito ate yanah. supppeeer saludo po ako sa inyo. alam ko pong hindi madali magpalaki ng anak, what more kung tatlo pa po, and i admire you for that. alam ko pong maswerte ang mga babies nyo, and i know, they're gonna turn out great, kasi po, kayo ang mommy nila. siguro po ngayon, mahirap i-explain sa kanila ang situation, pero paglaki po nila, for sure maiintindihan nila. God bless po. and… **HUGGGGSSSS!**

  8. gesmunds ay nagsasabing:

    awww… parang naramdaman ko rin ang emotions na meron sa post na to,, though hindi pa ko nagkakaron ng family na sarili..ganun pa man,, i admire you Yanah.Im sure they will understand pag lumaki na sila.. be still girl,, may purpose si God kaya nangyayari ngayon to sa family mo.

  9. Toilet Thoughts ay nagsasabing:

    HANGKUKYUTKYUT mana sayo mga anak mo!!!!!!!! simula ngayon ang tawag ko na sayo, mommy yanah, ang dakilang ina.

  10. Traveliztera ay nagsasabing:

    Ate Yanah… Super bilib na bilib ako sa'yo kasi andaming hindi nakkarealize na ang pinakamahirap na trabaho e ang maging isang ina–lalo na ang pagiging isang single mother. Alam ko mahirap lalo na kapag naghahanap sila ng tatay pero alam ko na pagkalipas ng ilang taon, maiintindihan din nila…Alam ko na sa pinagdadaanan mo ngayon ate, mabibiyayaan ka ng napakagandang blessing as a reward. Alam ko maraming matututunan sa kung ano mang pinagdadaanan mo… Andito rin kami para sa'yo at buti nalang may blog para maging konektado tayong lahat at magbigay suporta sa isa't isa. :)Hugs ate !

  11. Toilet Thoughts ay nagsasabing:

    maiba lang ako. my dad raised me as a single dad. I knew from start that he and mom got separated. He did good with me, i think, despite my insanity. I think you'll do good as well. kudos to your being a super mom. apir!

  12. Poldo ay nagsasabing:

    Ramdam at alam kong mahirap ang situwation mo.. pero kahit ganun pa man ay nagagampanan mo parin ang pagiging parent. Nakayanan mo kahit magisa ka lang.. kaya nga diba madaming humahanga sayo??.. gow malay mo in the future e di ka na ule single at makakahanap ka ule ng katuwang. Pero sa ngayon enjoy mo muna ang mga daga hehehe

  13. MiDniGHt DriVer ay nagsasabing:

    Yanah.. ang kapatid ko ay isang single mom din, ang kaibahan lang nya sayo ay hindi nya minahal ang lalaking nakapagbigay sa kanya ng isang anghel. Alam ko ang hirap na pinagdaraanan mo at kung paano mo ito kinakaya. Bilib ako sa iyo at sa lahat ng INA sa buong mundo.

  14. Jag ay nagsasabing:

    Kung may mga angel naman na ganyan fulfilling na rin sa pakiramdam…hahah naalala ko nung kabataan ko stubborn daw ako sabi ng nanay ko hahaha…Be blessed yanah banana 🙂

  15. Dante ay nagsasabing:

    if it's any consolation, let me tell you that this thing you're going through is only making you a stronger, more focused and better person. someone na hindi na basta-basta kayang igupo ng problema na kung iba ang tatamaan ay siguradong bagsak agad.i'm sure marami kami ritong friends mo who are praying for you to find your happiness soon.meantime, enjoy mo ang kakulitan ng tatlong angels mo. and recognize the fact that they are the ones giving you the strength right now. use that innocence in their faces as your power charge in times na nanghihina ka. they're sure to make you smile lalo na si maliit na daga… buyoy pelo kyut! hehehe

  16. Bino ay nagsasabing:

    mahirap talaga pag solo mong tinataguyod ang mga anak mo. pero saludo naman ako sa yo! ilaw at haligi ng tahanan in onE! buy one take one ang dating! minsan alagaan ko yang mga anak mo hehehehe 😀

  17. WP ay nagsasabing:

    Isang malaking tsek para sa iyo Yanah! Hindi biro ang magkaroon ng tatlong chikiting lalo na kung ikaw lang mag isa ang nagtataguyod sa kanila pero alam ko na sobra sobra kang nagpapasalamat sa pagkakaroon ng tatlong uber cute-slash-makukulit na anghel sa buhay mo. More power sa iyo at sa pamilya mo Yahah!!

  18. you know my name ay nagsasabing:

    i salute you 🙂 btw, ang cute cute nila… they are still indeed lucky to have you as their mom 🙂

  19. kiko ay nagsasabing:

    ahahaa parang robinhood lang ang titol!yakang yaka mo yan ate yanah!

  20. J. Kulisap ay nagsasabing:

    Your angels are beautiful. Take care of them as the most precious stones from God are in you.Yanah, be strong. Aja.

Sarado na ang mga puna.