Down Syndrome

i dont know where did this feeling cme from. i was okay yesterday. i was happy yesterday. full of excitement for a new project, full of enthusiasm, full of positive energy. I wonder san napunta lahat ng positive vibes ko. I feel stupid. i feel dumb. i feel worthless. i feel ALONE.
i hate october. i hate getting old. i hate it. reaching this age and realizing you havent achieved anything yet. i hate the thought of getting old, grey haired, frail, miserable and ALONE. i sooo hate it.
its november. maybe because its november thats why its getting to me. the mere fact that chirstmas is just around the corner. i dreaded christmas. i stopped celebrating it 10 years ago. bitter? yeah, i think so. my heart’s so full of hatred (xmas memories) but they say christmasses are for children. so i play the part. i play the role of “bein happy”. i play the part of organizing christmas treats for the kids. it sucks to pretend ure happy. u smile.. u laugh… u spend time chatting with people talking about ‘how wonderful christmas is this year’ but after all that, when everything else has been said and done, when its pack up time, the kids are all sleeping, ure in your room ALONE, awake.. u realize how empty ur life is. how ALONE u are. and you couldnt shake off the feeling. oh how i hate it.
if this is a dream, i wanna wake up NOW. i dont wanna feel this miserable feeling. i dont wanna be this way. can somebody please pinch me? help me get back to reality. i freakin hate this. everyone else is happy and am not. hate it.hate it.hate it.

oh yeah, im still lucky… i know. there are still things i should be really thankful for. i know that. its just that i cant help feeling this way. i cant help hating. i cant help being bitter. i cant help being unhappy. i cant help being alone. i cant help feeling hurt. i cant help it. and im so freakin scared…(and tired)


“i maybe surrounded by a million people but i still feel alone” – HOME
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This entry was posted in alone, birthday, christmas, december, emptiness, october. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Down Syndrome

  1. Bino ay nagsasabing:

    i understand if you feel the way, ako din dumadating sa point na nag-iisa ako. Cheer up insan 🙂

  2. khantotantra ay nagsasabing:

    if you feel sad when christmas is approaching, just imagine christmas as just another holiday. 😀 cheer up

  3. The Gasoline Dude ay nagsasabing:

    I'm not a fan of Christmas as well. Marami ang EMO during this part of the year. Kasama na ko diyan.

  4. eMPi ay nagsasabing:

    you still lucky dahil andyan sina Julyanah, Jillian, at Khalil. E si afriend mo… hmmm:D

  5. Xprosaic ay nagsasabing:

    Everyone once in a while pass through this kind of dilemma… Magkaiba nga lang ng level pero meron… Ako rin di nakaligtas sa bagay na yan even now… hehehehhe

  6. Mokong™ ay nagsasabing:

    Ako homeboy ako nung binata pa ko, mas gusto ko magstay sa bahay… wala akong hilig gumala. At ngayon graduate na ko dyan, at Merry Christmas Yanah!

  7. Dhianz ay nagsasabing:

    te… ganyan den akoh minsan… feel sooper dooper alone… malelerki ka sa kaemohan koh.. graveh.. but then.. you don't feel dat way naman everytime… yeah pag christmas sumtimes i feel sad too kc nabrobroke akoh lalo… lol… pero christmas not bout us nman.. itz bout celebrating Him… eniweiz nde lang naman dapat pasko sya cinecelebrate.. dapat everyday everyseconds… oh devah… ingatz te… *muwahugz*… Godbless!

  8. Dante ay nagsasabing:

    hmmm… layo pa ng christmas but you're already feeling that way. sana bago dumating ang pasko you're feelin a lot better na. afterall, christmas is not really for us, it's for somebody else… the big man J!pero bago ka sumigaw ng wag mo akong sermunan kuyaaaa… listen for a sec. being alone is probably just a phase in your life. sus, bata ka pa naman and you still have sooo many opportunities waiting for you. look up and just look around. you're one beautiful lady so hindi ko sasabihing you have to accept being 'alone' as your destiny. naah. for now, hanapin mo at pakinggan mo yong song ni randy crawford na people alone. at sige, emo to the max ka. after that, smile na. 🙂

  9. kiko ay nagsasabing:

    hmmm. ayaw ko sanang mag comment pero nung mabasa ko ung comment ni kuya dante napa type akong bigla,naalala ko ang nabasa kong 7 habits of highly effective people na kung saan, swerte ka kasi meron kang character to stay alone, ayon kay Steven Covey, ang character daw ay hindi inaalis kundi dinadagdagan, kagaya na lang nang sa iyo, swerte ka kasi you survived being alone, meron kang character na hindi mo alam nasa iyo, tapos meron ka ring character na jolly kapag kasama mo ang dabarkads mo, kaya kung bumalik ka ulit sa alone(mo) huhugutin mo lang ang character mong suitable being alone ok na,hmmm ano ba itong nisasabi me, anyway matagal pa naman ang pasko, siguro kasama ko na naman ang ballpen ko 🙂

  10. Dante ay nagsasabing:

    kiko! napa-comment din ako ulit kasi gusto kong linawin kung para ba sa kin yong comment mo? hehehe.coz yes, i've been 'alone' all my life. by choice. at kahit dinadanas ko yong 'down syndrome' na sinasabi ni yanah once in a while, i've learned how to cope with it. siguro lang i was made of tougher material than the others. titanium siguro. introvert? hindi. loner? definitely not. may galit sa mundo? wala ah! it's just that i prefer being unattached. sasabihin ng mga psychologists sobra akong self-centered. siguro. anyways, thanks for the comment (ahem, akin ba tong blog na to at ako ang nag-thank you!hehehe). but what you said only reinforced my belief that i'm just a strong person to feel comfortable being alone. and not some kind of weird or psycho some people think of single people like me.advanced merry christmas na lang sa lahat ng friends ni yanah!

  11. kiko ay nagsasabing:

    actually kuya Dante para sa lahat, ako nasubukan ko na rin kasi ýan, masayahin akong kasama, kung sa kasama, sabi nga sa akin ng mga friends ko "NO DULL MOMENT" pag kasama ako, pero I have to develop my another character to be alone, na natutuhan ko later… dahil nga kasi sometimes there will be a moment of our lives that we will be alone…, and we have nor must have that character to be alone, be happy to be alone.. but pero pag may kasama ka, huhugutin mo lang ang character mo na nag fit sa company, un ang gagamitin mo, ung character mong being alone, i-set aside mo muna, and that makes you a special person (Paradigm Shift)

Sarado na ang mga puna.