Nostalgic Aftie

Lumaki akong literal na may tatay pero nasa background lang. yung tipong masabi lang na may tatay ka. when i was just a kid, my mom went abroad. i was left under the supervision of my father. my father at that time worked at Taal Vista Hotel as Food and Beverage Manager, he’s one dedicated man sa work niya, being the F & B Manager somehow gave him the excuse to spend extra hours at work, minsan kase nagiging OIC sya kapag wala ang general manager ng Hotel, what he did at that time was bring me with him at work at kung sino ang nakaduty.. yun ang magbabantay saken for that day. everyday, iba-ibang tao, everyday, iba-ibang station. kaya familiar ako sa hotel industry. sa murang edad, natuto ako kung pano makisalamuha sa iba’t-ibang klase ng tao. hindi naman kase porket boss nila ang tatay ko eh talagang mala-anghel na attitude ang ipapakita nila saken. may totoong mabait at tuwang-tuwa na nasa paligid ako, mayron din naman asar na kailangan pa nila akong bantayan. plus the fact na i was a very naughty kid when i was younger. kapag may school naman, yung mga half siblings ko ang nagbabantay sa akin. that kind of set up went on and on for years hanggang sa im old enough to understand and see whats happening. sa 16 years na ini-stay ko sa bahay namin sa Tagaytay, hindi makakabuo ng isang buong taon na nakasama namin ang tatay ko kahit pa pagsama-samahin ko pa yung bilang ng mga araw na umuuwi siya sa amin. my mother and father were never married. we were not the original family. in fact were the third.. and wait there’s more pa ang drama. hindi natatapos sa amin, may mga sumunod pa.kaya nakamulatan ko ng walang tatay (kahit nga nanay eh) i was left most of the time alone. with a lot of restrictions but limited emotions. when he died, naging sort of reunion of all his children together with their mothers. sa funeral mass, when the priest asked the immediate family of the deceased to rise, maloka ka sa dami ng mga taong nagsipagtayuan sa audience (audience talaga?!) it wasnt a friendly scene at all. one of those times when i really hated my father for it. ive met most of my brothers and sisters.. were actually ten (yan lang yung alam ko, just dont know if there’s more) were not close but civil. 1 1/2 weeks ago, one of them died, i was forced (forgive me for the word but that was how i really see it) to go and help out. so i travelled all the way from manila to tagaytay (luckily i was in manila that time) cancelled all my appointments and literally help out.. (especially finances) weve never been close, but i was expected to be there. the times i spent there made me realize one thing, although we were born out of different mothers, we have one thing in common and that is having just a father in the background. not actually having a father in the real sense of the word. i envy those people na may mga nakalakihang tatay. mga supportive fathers, fathers whos not afraid of showing their affections to their children. i never had one, never experienced any. parang napaka alien sa akin nung ganung feeling. and then it suddenly made me realize that my children are suffering the same fate i had, growing up without a father. i can be/i can portray the role of both the mother and father to them but still, its not the same.. ako, alam ko.. na iba pa rin yung nandyan yung tatay nila.im just hoping na i can be enough for them. ill try to do my very best to be the best mother that i can be. i know its not easy.. it will never be easy, theyre still little angels ngayon, ive a long way to go, but with God’s guidance, im sure i can make it. whatever glitches and twitches He throws my way, i know ill be able to surpass everything, as long as i have my little rascals with me.  I guess thats all that matters now to me.

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14 Responses to Nostalgic Aftie

  1. Jag ay nagsasabing:

    That was sad Yanah…hindi ko alam paano magcomment sa mga napagdaanan mo…and now being a single parent ang hirap nun…wud u mind if id ask kung nasaan ang hubby mo?

  2. MarcoPaolo ay nagsasabing:

    Hmmm…. Kaya mo yan! yon lang masasabi ko.

  3. Kamila ay nagsasabing:

    basta I know na kahit anong problem ang nadanasan natin from the past, yun ang mag momold sa tin.. sa kung ano tayo ngayon.. God has purpose and reasons for everything… hehe di ko sinabing naranasan ko na lahat.. as far as I believe lang.. hehe…Go go go lang.. I think the more struggles you had gone through as a daughter/son.. the more you'll be a better person as a parent.. haha:)

  4. Mokong™ ay nagsasabing:

    Yanah, hindi pa kilala masyado, pero sa post na to parang kilalang kilala na kita, para kasing may kaibigan akong nasa sitwasyon mo. Kaya mo yan.. "WHATEVER GOD DOES, HE DOES IT SO WELL"

  5. rainbow box ay nagsasabing:

    ate, as i've said before, we'll never know how strong we are, unless it's the only choice we've got. you are a superwoman! i have had my own share of struggles too but my powers are nothing compared to you! ang mga nangyare sa past, although mahirap i let go, are all in the past now. we can do nothing about it. all we have to do is to look forward. we might look back once in a while, pero yun e para ipaalala natin sa sarili natin kung gaano tayo kalakas. there is a bright future ahead for everybody, and i believe that. it's just a matter of choice. you can do it ate, you can achieve whatever it is you want because you are strong. and am proud of you. =)

  6. Super Balentong ay nagsasabing:

    wag mong masyadong dibdibin yan. may bagong umagang parating. may buhay sa labas, may lalaki rin sa labas na pwedeng umaruga sa inyo. boyhunting lang. 🙂 joke lang!

  7. maginoongbulakenyo ay nagsasabing:

    Sad naman ako sa post na'to, when my father is still alive sa hotel din ang work nya, pero he make an effort para mag spend ng quality time sa aming lahat. Kaya yan ate, minsan pinagdadaan natin ito para maging mas lalong matatag pa tayo.Ang buhay ay parang isang jeep, ikaw ang driver..ikaw ang may control.. marami kang rutang dadaanan nasasaiyo yon kung kelan ka liliko at hihinto..God Bless Yanah!

  8. =supergulaman= ay nagsasabing:

    sa buhay natin, minsan hindi natin maiwasan ikumpara ang napagdaanan ntin sa iba..mahirap ang kanya, madali ang sa akin, madali ang sa akin, magulo ang sa kanya…pero sa dulo ng mga napagdaan natin, hindi tayo nagsisisi di ba? bakit? kasi meron tayong mga bagay at pagkakataon ngayon sa buhay natin na labis natin ikinaliligaya… isipin natin, bakit tayo naging ganito ngayon? kasi sa mga pinagdaanan natin na pinanday ng panahon… totoo, hindi maiiwasang malungkot sa mga masasakit na nakaraan pero ng dahil doon hindi mo din maiwasan na lumigaya sa hinaharap at sabihin ng may pagmamalaki sa buong mundo… "ito ako ngayon!"..

  9. Anonymous ay nagsasabing:

    yanahbellssss hugs for this saturday morning~ngaun ko lng nabasa dahil di nikeri ng utak ko magbasa kahapon~~naalala ko tuloy yung convo natin the other day mukhang ito yung tanong ko dba,,,pero mas na elaborate lng now yung storya,,,,ayaw kong mag ingay dito dahil seryoso ang poster mo …alam kong you;re a strong woman! kaya mo yan dami ka na ngang nalampasan na problem eh,,belib nga ako sau kasi icocompare ko yung problem ko sau sus mi katiting lng pala yung sakin~~basta always have faith in God,,,gaya nga ng sinabi ko as long na humihinga pa tau gora lang sisteru~~tsaka you have your little angels na nagbibigay sau ng inspirasyon araw araw para maging matatag ka,,,ingats ikaw sisteru~~~~mwahugssGod Bless~~-Unni-

  10. khantotantra ay nagsasabing:

    ewan ko. bigla akong na-sad. Parang nadama ko ung pain. Anyway, just remember na lahat ng pasubok ay kayang lagpasan. kaya mo yan. 😀

  11. Nortehanon ay nagsasabing:

    attagirl kapala, yanah!And with a mother who got that strong conviction, i'm sure your children are going to grow up fine ;)Sent a reply to your email.

  12. Diamond R ay nagsasabing:

    napatigil ako sandali after mabasa ang post na ito. Humahanga sa katatagan na meron ka.Alam kong mahirap ito I have a sister na single mom.Makikipagpatayan para sa anak niya.alam kong kaya mo at wala ng hihigit pang pagsubok sa buhay ni mo kakayanan. God bless.

  13. pamatayhomesick ay nagsasabing:

    yanah…hayaan mong minsan naman para sayo naman ang taon na ito…para sayo.

  14. Axl G. ay nagsasabing:

    wow… im so proud on u… alam ko kaya mo yan… just always pray to god.,,, kaw pa.. malakas ka eh 😀

Sarado na ang mga puna.