julyanah’s last time

i think it was april last year that this incident happened. i will never forget the look in julyanah’s face when she said, she’s hungry and wanted to eat…

we were in DAVAO that time..kahlil ( my youngest) was in north cotabato with my sister in law.. eto ung time na sobrang walang-wala kami. i was still looking for a job there for us to survive, while He on the other hand did nothing…

there’s this call center na mag open up ng center sa DAVAO.. and i tried applying for that, luckily the next day after i passed my resume, they called already for an interview and it was at this certain mall in Davao… Jd was with me as well as julyanah.. the venue was in the mall’s admin office which is located at the floor of the foodcourt. nung time na yun ang pera lang talaga namin is pamasahe papunta dun at pauwi dun sa tinutuluyan namin. i even have to sell julyanah’s earings that time para lang magkaron kami ng pamasahe papunta dun sa interview.. so ive been interviewed and was asked to undergo 2 weeks training.. malayo nga lang… so ive to stay there.. there’s free accomodation but bahala ka sa food mo..the training will immediately start that same day, so, ive to go home, pack my things and then go back..the problem now is still money… i dont have any money to bring with me.., pano ung food ko.. pano kung may kailangan bilhin or something?, so i went out of the admin office having this additional problem regarding money…

when i went out i told JD about it… no chance asking for her sister’s help kasi nasa knya na nga si kahlil para malessen ng konti ang gastos.. no chance at all asking for my mom’s help, dahil super galit sya sakin dahil sumunod ako sa mag-ama ko sa mindanao..then i thought of something, i asked JD if i can borrow his mobile phone para isanla so ill have some money to use and at the same time may panggastos din sila mag-ama habang dumidiskarte pa ako sa ibang friends ko.. pumayag naman sya..when i was about to leave to pawn his mobile, julyanah touched my hand.. held it for a while and when i looked at her…. looking rioght through her eyes, i could almost see myself crying…even without her saying something, i know already what she wants..i looked away.. then i heard her: “ma, tutom na ako, kain tayo…” i didnt looked back at her kasi i know i would be crying.. i was thinking, pano ko sya mapapakain, the only money i have in my pocket at that time is 18 pesos, our exact fare going home. then i told her, to wait for me for a while. ive to go out and pawn the mobile. while i was walking, i looked back and saw julyanah looking at those people around her eating happily. then my tears seemed to have a life of its own.. nag-uunahan na sila tumulo sa mga mata ko.. couldnt stop them..then i told myself……eto na ung huling beses na magugutom si julyanah, eto na ung huling beses na mag-ask sya sakin ng pagkain na wala akong maibibigay sa knya.

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